'My biggest supporter': Raising a glass to all the single moms ahead of Mother's Day

Now… should I have known better than to watch this series when so far away from my own single mom? Possibly. Did that stop me from sobbing down the phone to my mom as the famous theme tune closed out the show for the final time? Absolutely not.

‘Single mom’ used to be a dirty phrase. It was a phrase used to condemn ‘unwed women’, branding them promiscuous or unworthy. It was thought the children of single parents couldn’t possibly be raised as well as children with both parents and there would be so much emotional damage done to them — despite all research proving there is no actual difference.

In fact, research has proven that quality is much more important than quantity when it comes to parents. Britain's NatCen Social Research analysed data from approximately 13,000 children and found that children’s happiness had no correlation to the familial structure. 36% of 7-year-olds reported they were “happy all the time”, with 64% saying they were happy “sometimes or never,” regardless of having one or two parents in their life.

And while Ireland isn’t exactly healed from the generational trauma left behind by workhouses and Magdalene laundries, the stigma around the ‘single mother’ is beginning to lessen.

Now, when I say ‘There are a lot of hats I wear in life, but being the daughter of a single mom is beyond my proudest title’ I receive compliments rather than criticism. My mom is my best friend. I know that sounds clichéd, but it is the truest thing I could say about myself.

My mom is cool, smart, kind, my biggest supporter, the biggest pain in my neck — and I couldn’t imagine life any other way. She sacrificed an incredible amount to raise me and to no thanks from a child who didn’t know what her sacrifice meant at that time. We didn’t have much, but I never asked for anything. Only now do I know how hard that must have been for her and how much the price of my well-being really cost her.

I am who I am because my mom made me this way. While she might tell me to delete that sentence, I know how proud she is of me, because she never made me feel any less. (Mom, I know you’re crying by now, it’s okay, I promise I’ll move on.) As the term single mother moves away from the stigma, we are lucky to see better representations of these relationships in pop culture. 

Gilmore Girls was a show ahead of its time in some ways — but nowadays we can look to Ginny & Georgia, Jane the Virgin, Big Little Lies, Good Girls, and so many more, to show the true trials and tribulations of the single parent and child relationship. That’s not even to mention the list of films and books — we’d be here all day.

I don’t know of anyone now who doesn’t speak about their single mother with complete adoration. Even with the 2022 census showing there are more than 83,000 single-mother families in Ireland, everyone with a single mom thinks their mom is the best — though I know from the bottom of my heart that no one else holds a candle to my one.

Brooklyn Bond is a tattoo artist from Limerick who recently made the move to Belfast. Her mom became her primary parent when she and Brooklyn’s dad divorced. 

At 12-years-old, the separation came at a far from perfect time in her life. While she now has a relationship with her father, from 12 to adulthood Brooklyn’s mom was her sole parental relationship.

“I'm glad I was that age, because I could kind of understand things,” Brooklyn reflected. “My brother was a bit young to understand what was happening. I do feel like it probably affected him in a very different way than it did to me.

With the stress of raising two children by herself washing away, Brooklyn admitted she sees a big change in her mother now that herself and her brother are grown up.

“10 years ago she would never sit down and read a book because she would just see it as a waste of time or she could be doing something else, but now she's just a completely different person, and it just shows what sacrifices she made for us,” the artist divulged.

“She sacrificed her own mental well-being for us to have a good childhood, and she did that all by herself, so I just think she's amazing.” Attributing her confidence to her mom, Brooklyn said: “I think being a single mom, she put more conscious, active effort into us, whereas that responsibility would have been shared, usually. She gave me so much confidence, she was always my number one supporter.”

Much like myself, the older she gets the closer Brooklyn feels she gets to her mom.

“I never had the teenage phase of not wanting to be with your parents or thinking your mom is uncool,” Brooklyn laughed. 

"ays wanted to be around her. I was like a velcro child, like, she thought it was so funny when I was 18, when usually teenagers want to be away from their parents, I would not leave her alone.”

London-based, Irish photographer Benjamin Fraser also thinks he has the best single mom.

“We're very close, I was always a big mummy boy and I always loved having my mom around,” Ben laughed.

“We've only gotten closer over the years and I haven't had to split my time between two parents, which has been nice — a weird thing to say, but I just love spending time with my mom.”

Despite claiming his mother holds the number-one-mom spot, he does admit that growing up as the child of a single parent was stressful. With only one income source for him and his brothers, Ben’s mom was out of the house working a lot, which made him learn independence from quite an early age.

“A lot of the time she taught us how to do things, just everyday things, so when she wasn’t there, we could do them for ourselves,” Ben reflected. “We'd be going to school ourselves, sometimes we'd even be going to the shop ourselves, making our own lunches, stuff like that, because she wouldn't have the time, or she wouldn't be there.

“Growing up, sometimes it would be me looking after my younger brother as well. I’d be making dinner and making sure he gets to school, so I learned how to do a lot of stuff myself, even if not the best.”

What interested me most about Ben’s relationship with his mom is the lack of a need he felt for a dad.

“There isn't a lot of things my mom couldn't do,” Ben stated. “I don't even know what I'd rely on a dad for because I never wanted to rely on a dad for anything. It sounds wrong, but I wasn't even sad.” 

Ben’s story just proves that you don’t need both parents in your life — in fact, in some cases (mine is a prime example), you're much better off having one parent than both.

So on Mother’s Day, raise a glass to the single moms out there — they’re busy parenting for two and building the best adults you’ll ever meet. Or so we think, anyway.