Mary O'Shea shows Trump what dignified looks like during their White House visit

Adding to the nausea and acid reflux is the back and knee-slapping, smiling and nodding of European leaders. The politics of interest has overwhelmingly trumped the politics of values.

The Maga man’s character or lack thereof has been exposed in the many convictions against him, along with the divisiveness and vitriol in his discourse and policies.

While realpolitik demands engagement, there is also now more than ever a need for integrity in that engagement. Standards, rights, and international law established over generations have ensured some level of value-based cooperation and helped to avoid nations going rogue. We can’t control Trump, but we don’t have to lose our dignity in trying to minimise the damage.

There was much anxiety ahead of Micheál Martin’s meeting with Trump and plenty of analysis of his performance since. His collusion in Trump’s response to our housing crisis was piercing for those of us at the sharp end of it. Congratulating Trump’s ‘peace’ efforts while not emphasising the rights and sovereignty of those impacted by the conflicts was a missed opportunity. The report card on trade was more favourable.

It is one thing to be an elected leader with a job to do but spare a thought for the partners who find themselves thrust into the limelight that they would never ordinarily sign up for. Even more so being foisted with a walk-on part in Trump’s reality TV farce.

Watching the Shamrock ceremony last week, I was struck by Mary, Micheál’s wife. It was clear she pulled out all the stops, to represent us well as much as to support her husband. She stood dignified and smiled warmly at Trump.

The warmth, whether sincere or the result of digging deep, was hard to ignore — yet Trump still did so. Before the Shamrock bowl was presented, Micheál gave Mary a peck on the cheek, indicative of the love and partnership they share. Trump’s slight wincing smile in response revealed a discomfort with such tenderness and respect. Let’s not forget who he named as his favourite Irish person. Notorious alright. Values, standards, rights, laws?

Mary then walked to stand at Trump’s side. He had to turn to his left away from her to receive the bowl from her husband. Mary continued smiling warmly, clapping. When the bowl was set down, Trump turned to Micheál, ushering him out, following straight after him without a single acknowledgement of Mary.

Vance’s socks got more acknowledgement than she did, though some might have been grateful for that distraction.

Mary continued to stand and smile, the latter appearing subtly strained. My heart sank for her. Not that I would expect more from Trump but the human capacity to hope endures.

Melania was not present. Like her husband, she tore up the rule book on established norms and expectations. Perhaps we should review the protocols for such occasions ourselves?

While realpolitik demands engagement, is there a need to put the partners of our leaders in such invidious positions? Micheál has made no secret of his respect for his “best friend” Mary. I am sure her presence on the trip with him was a calming and reassuring influence. This is good for all of us. However, for the high-profile engagements, would it not be better to let the politicians at it and spare their partners?

Perhaps this is a small point to hone in on. After all, Micheál barely featured in some of the US coverage of his visit, not to mind Mary. Maybe we have had an overinflated sense of our own importance. It is all about Trump these days and that’s how he likes it.

Like the dynamic of an abusive relationship, the abused feels the nausea of fear and uncertainty. Trump and Vance’s toxic abusiveness was in full view during Zelenskyy’s visit, adding even more gravity to Micheál’s visit. Trump knew exactly what he was doing in that ambush. As he has repeatedly said, whatever makes great television, and he is the director and the protagonist.

Vance’s love bombing and Trump’s conviviality, as Micheál for the most part complied and placated, led to a collective sigh of relief that we were not hit with the severity of blows we feared might come.

Relief was short lived as it always is in a relationship with such a volatile partner.

We cannot be insulated from Trump’s vendetta against the EU, it includes us. Cordial expressions are one thing, actions and impact will be where the devil is.

We are less than 60 days into Trump’s term, there are more than 1,300 days left to go. A lot can and will happen in that time. As European leaders grapple with how to handle Trump and contain the fallout of his recklessness, there is a need to engage pragmatically but with integrity, rooted in shared values.

While European leaders have to engage, we should not put anyone who is not critical to the political process in the orbit of someone who values little but himself.