Sex File: He's on a health kick - and he's more into his Garmin watch than me
Exercise benefits so much more than physical health. Research has shown that physical activity is 1.5 times more effective at reducing mild to moderate symptoms of depression, psychological stress and anxiety than antidepressants or cognitive behavioural therapy.
Your email is light-hearted but you raise a serious issue.
Marital relationships have a certain equilibrium and when one person makes unilateral changes it can create an imbalance. Even apparently positive changes can be destabilising.
For example, when one partner gets a high-paying job it can leave the other feeling less valuable. Similarly, when one partner starts exercising a lot, it can make the other feel less disciplined.
If both partners have similar levels of confidence and motivation, imbalance can create momentum. However, if one partner can't keep up it can create relational turbulence.
This is particularly true when it comes to weight loss. One study of couples where one partner had lost a lot of weight - the average was 13kg - found that, in general, this increased levels of physical and emotional intimacy.
For some couples, though, the person who had not lost weight felt threatened by their partner's new-found confidence. This manifested as disparaging comments, withholding sex and trying to sabotage their partner's diet to prevent them from changing.
Although you seem more bemused than intimidated by your husband's new regimen, it is beginning to have an effect on you.
It's not just the tedium of wine-free evenings or the fact that you don't get a luxurious lie-in together on the weekends, it's the sense that he is doing this by himself, for himself, and you are not part of the programme.
The obvious solution would be for you to get up and go out running with him but it's midwinter and it's freezing, so I can understand why you might lack the required motivation.
Which leads us to the most important question: what is motivating your husband? Why does he feel that he needs to do this and what started this health kick?
Was he overweight? Did he have a health scare? Or was he a bit depressed? Have you, for example, noticed an improvement in his mood since he started his new regimen?
If you can understand the underlying motivation for your husband's behaviour change, you will stop worrying that he is more interested in his Garmin stats in than you.
You will also feel more confident about making some sexual demands on him. There is no reason why his exercise regimen should stop you having sex - quite the opposite, in fact.
Multiple studies have shown that as well as increasing body confidence, exercise boosts levels of sexual arousal and improves sexual function.
After a run, your husband should be flooded with endorphins, the feel-good hormones that trigger feelings of euphoria.
Tell him you don't mind him running on a Saturday morning as long as he comes back to bed when he gets home. And tell him to skip the shower.
Research by Noam Sobel, professor of neurobiology at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel, shows that androstadienone, a chemical compound found in male sweat, increases sexual and physiological arousal in women. Bonus.
- Send your questions to suzigodson@mac.com
